How Stella Got Her Groove Back

Hello, everyone. I'm leaving Facebook.

If you know me, you're likely well aware of this fact, but I'd like to take this personal forum, the only one where I feel comfortable feeling entitled to have a voice, the only one where I know people care about what I'm saying because they care about me (or they don't, or they're curious, or whatever) to sort through my feelings about it.

I think it's fair to say that Facebook has become a ubiqutous part of our lives. I know that no one will argue with me if I say that it's dramatically changed the way people keep in touch and communicate with each other. You're able to exchange information with people across the globe, people you may not have seen for years but have added you as a friend because they're curious about what you're up to these days.

Facebook exists on the basis that people are interested in other people. I feel like this is more true than ever before. This is old news here, but mass media has become increasingly focused on what other people are doing. Celebrity gossip, the rise of reality television, blogging, Facebook; our media culture has turned us into voyeurs. We're conditioned to care about other people because it tells us who we are. We're invited to identify with (or not identify with) these people in a carthartic release that makes us feel good about being ourselves. It validates us. This is why I LOVE reading my Facebook news feed.

It's one of the most entertaining moments of my day. I get home from work and I open Facebook to see what the world is doing. The problem is that, in truth, I'm only seeing what people want me to think that they're doing. Facebook has you create a profile for yourself that's visible to whomever you wish based on your privacy settings. You condense and define your personal into "Activities, Music, Books" etc. How do you want the world to see you? Well, you'd better get your profile right because Facebook is only becoming more important by the day.

When I meet someone new, I don't get their phone number or address or e-mail address; I ask them if they have Facebook. I friend them and then I look at their profile. Forgive me father, for I HAVE JUDGED PEOPLE AND THINGS AS ARBITRARY AS WHAT BOOKS THEY SAY THEY LIKE ON THEIR FACEBOOK PROFILE. Even if it wasn't a conscious decision, I know in my heart that I have come to THINK that I understand something about a person based on an internet persona that they have created to show themselves in a good light. No one says that they're a compulsive liar or that they like to bite their toenails on Facebook. You start to think that you know people without really knowing people.

The real reason I feel this why is because of the news feed. There are some people (I won't name names, but I'm sure most of you know) like my former roomate who I have not really spoken to in over a year. I just didn't feel that I needed to. I was getting updates about his life from his Facebook status updates.

I feel like I know people without ever really knowing them.

Facebook tells that I have 400 some-odd friends. Why aren't I happier?

I think that recently I've identified a fatal flaw in my perception of the world. If something is fun, I don't often consider whether it's good. This is the reason people become slaves to World of Warcraft--because the game is really, really fun. I've never played it, but I'm guessing it's a veritable cornucopia of enjoyment based on the way people pour their lives into it. My Facebook account is really fun. I have spent hours and hours reading about what other people are doing and loving every minute of it.

But it's rather empty.

There's a different sort of happiness. I can feel it right after I've had a really good conversation (of which I've had many lately; thanks, Joe) or after I've done something I've never done before or after I write something that's really for no one but myself. There's happiness and then there's Happiness.

As much as our potential for communication has expanded through social networking, hasn't it been irrevociably cheapened? Take the 'like' button on Facebook. You don't even have to come up with an original comment to show your approval. This is the face of modern convenience. I love it when people complain about there not being a 'dislike' button on Facebook. Think about the precious seconds we all could be saving!

Does Real Human Connection happen on Facebook? I believe that sometimes it does. Sometimes I see a worthwhile discussion. Most of the time, I see that someone's going to see the 7:20 showing of Marmaduke.

It's just so ego-centric. In this voyeuristic media culture, we feel just as entitled to be watched as we are to do the watching. Even now, writing this feels a little dirty to me because I'm posting my thoughts in a public place where I expect people to care. Like I said at the beginning though, I do sort of assume that you care because the people who read this care about me. Or you don't. Or you're curious about me. You can watch me from your seat of anonymity and maybe glimpse something.

Goodbye, Facebook.